I’m jumping ahead with this post but want to talk about things I have learned about being a primary care-giver. It was just stated on the news that there are more people over 65 now than under the age of 11. Many seniors are looking after their aging parents while dealing with their own challenges both physical and emotional. It is a constant learning curve. I’ve listed some of the discoveries I’ve made along the way that have helped my mom and in the process, eased my mind about her safety and well-being.

One of the best things I did was to have her accepted as a new patient with my doctor. She was reluctant to give up her own doctor but quickly realized the inconvenience of driving an hour each way to see him. My doctor is patient, caring and we never feel rushed. We go to all appointments together and I receive any and all information pertinent to my mom’s needs.

I have Power of Attorney but it is only good on paper. Phone calls still had to have mom verify who she was and who I was. I sent copies of the notarized document to Revenue Canada, Pension plan, insurance providers, extended medical and financial institutions. I can now call on my mom’s behalf, sign papers and do all her banking. It was suggested that her bank accounts have my name added in order to pay bills, question transactions that she had long forgotten and in the event of her death, the accounts will revert to me and not be frozen.

One piece of equipment I found very useful is a four-legged cane. Although resentful at first, mom came to rely more and more on a cane. She purchased a regular one but became frustrated that it fell to the floor when she put it down. I happened to see one that stayed upright in a fabulous store in Maple Ridge.

  http://www.independentlifestylestore.com/pages/home

These type of stores carry numerous items that we need and appreciate.

It became apparent a couple of years ago that mom could no longer walk far without tiring and she was constantly afraid of falling. Taking her to appointments and shopping was getting harder and harder. I thought a wheel-chair would be the answer. But they are heavy and cumbersome.  Learned about a Transport chair. Lighter and easier to collapse, it turned out to be the perfect solution. We rented it a couple of times and when we decided to buy it, the rent was applied to the purchase price.

Showering was becoming problematic and I learned about a shower bench. Sturdy, comfortable seat and rubber feet. Mom was still able to have a little independence.

Shoe shopping should be relatively simple but not for seniors. Mom wanted a pair of summer sandals. I took her to seven stores. The store clerks brought us choices that were impossible for someone who can barely see and walk. Tiny buckles couldn’t be fastened. Heels were out of the question. No one seemed to understand the predicament. Finally, out of desperation, I posted on Facebook and someone told us about Payton and Buckle

http://paytonandbuckle.com

They had the perfect comfortable sandals.

Anyone know where to buy bras for seniors?......

The MOVE

Now to purge and pack. I am the organizer in the family and I was excited about a fresh start for mom. She on the other had was overwhelmed and I had to be patient and slow down. Baby steps I kept telling myself. My brother arrived again and together we went through hundreds of books and papers. We had never done a project together as adults and it was surprising to me how much we think alike although completely different in personality. He is very practical and would stop me from charging ahead when necessary. Mom could only take a few hours of us being underfoot and I know now, she was internalizing a lot of emotions.

My suggestion to anyone who finds themselves moving an elderly person; especially a parent. Ask lots of questions – don’t assume they no longer want or need an item. Be prepared to pack up things you know are no longer useful. Double check that a task you are told will be done, actually is. Seniors tire much more quickly the older they become. Take frequent breaks. Be prepared for some confusion, resentment and stress.

Mom had retired as a teacher 17 years before but had kept boxes and boxes of teaching aids, papers and just stuff. She didn’t know what was in a lot of the boxes and we recycled or tossed most of it. We donated other items.

Her new condo was actually bigger than the one she was moving from so we couldn’t use the excuse of down-sizing. All kitchen items which were numerous had to be brought with. Was she going to use seven frying pans, multiple tools, half a dozen measuring cups? My brother and I learned to pick our battles – there were more pressing details to worry about.

We organized a moving truck and the day of the move, my brother stayed with mom in the condo she was moving from and I waited in her new one to supervise the arrival of her belongings. Everything was in place or so we thought… half-way thru the day my brother called and said mom was confused, dizzy and nauseous. What had we done? My brother drove mom out to me and he went back to finish dealing with the move-out. Things settled into place and we got the important things set up for her. Bathroom, bed and kitchen stuff. It was all good until the next day when my brother and I went back to the old condo to clean. The fridge and freezer were full, the office was littered with unpacked items - none of the tasks mom had promised to take care of were done. We spent another whole day emptying and cleaning the appliances, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom etc. We now knew for certain that we made the right decision to move her a few minutes from me.