The MOVE

Now to purge and pack. I am the organizer in the family and I was excited about a fresh start for mom. She on the other had was overwhelmed and I had to be patient and slow down. Baby steps I kept telling myself. My brother arrived again and together we went through hundreds of books and papers. We had never done a project together as adults and it was surprising to me how much we think alike although completely different in personality. He is very practical and would stop me from charging ahead when necessary. Mom could only take a few hours of us being underfoot and I know now, she was internalizing a lot of emotions.

My suggestion to anyone who finds themselves moving an elderly person; especially a parent. Ask lots of questions – don’t assume they no longer want or need an item. Be prepared to pack up things you know are no longer useful. Double check that a task you are told will be done, actually is. Seniors tire much more quickly the older they become. Take frequent breaks. Be prepared for some confusion, resentment and stress.

Mom had retired as a teacher 17 years before but had kept boxes and boxes of teaching aids, papers and just stuff. She didn’t know what was in a lot of the boxes and we recycled or tossed most of it. We donated other items.

Her new condo was actually bigger than the one she was moving from so we couldn’t use the excuse of down-sizing. All kitchen items which were numerous had to be brought with. Was she going to use seven frying pans, multiple tools, half a dozen measuring cups? My brother and I learned to pick our battles – there were more pressing details to worry about.

We organized a moving truck and the day of the move, my brother stayed with mom in the condo she was moving from and I waited in her new one to supervise the arrival of her belongings. Everything was in place or so we thought… half-way thru the day my brother called and said mom was confused, dizzy and nauseous. What had we done? My brother drove mom out to me and he went back to finish dealing with the move-out. Things settled into place and we got the important things set up for her. Bathroom, bed and kitchen stuff. It was all good until the next day when my brother and I went back to the old condo to clean. The fridge and freezer were full, the office was littered with unpacked items - none of the tasks mom had promised to take care of were done. We spent another whole day emptying and cleaning the appliances, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom etc. We now knew for certain that we made the right decision to move her a few minutes from me.